Same-sex harassment occurs more often than many realize, but it is one of the least reported types of workplace harassment. Employees often hesitate to report it because they are unsure if it counts, fear they won’t be taken seriously, or worry about speculation regarding their sexuality.
Many people mistakenly believe harassment only happens between a man and a woman, that it must involve romantic interest, or that it isn’t illegal unless the harasser is gay. These assumptions are incorrect. Understanding what same-sex harassment looks like and its seriousness can help individuals recognize and report it. If you are facing this issue, an experienced Los Angeles work harassment attorney can guide you on your options and protect your rights.
Misconception 1: “Harassment Only Counts if It’s Opposite-Sex”
Many employees assume workplace harassment requires a man harassing a woman or vice versa. That belief stops people from reporting because they assume HR will say, “That’s not harassment, you’re both the same gender.”
In reality, harassment can occur between coworkers of the same sex. What matters is whether the conduct is unwelcome and tied to sex-based behavior or stereotypes, and whether it creates a hostile work environment or involves tangible job consequences. Gender is not a shield against accountability.
Misconception 2: “It Must Be Sexual Attraction to Be Harassment”
People often think, “They’re not attracted to me, so it can’t be harassment.” But harassment doesn’t require attraction. It can involve power, humiliation, intimidation, or control. Someone can harass another person to embarrass them, dominate them, or make them feel unsafe—not because they want a relationship.
This is why crude jokes, unwanted touching, sexual comments, and invasion of personal space can still be harassment even when the harasser claims it was “just messing around.” Intent does not cancel impact.
Misconception 3: “If the Harasser Isn’t Gay, It’s Not Harassment”
Another major myth is that same-sex harassment only counts if the harasser is gay. That’s not true. Harassment is about conduct and harm, not the harasser’s identity.
In many same-sex harassment situations, the conduct is about bullying, degrading comments, or policing masculinity or femininity. The harasser’s orientation is not the legal test. The pattern and workplace impact are what matter.
Misconception 4: “It’s Just ‘Locker Room Talk’—I Should Ignore It”
Same-sex harassment is often minimized as workplace “banter,” especially in male-dominated industries or high-pressure work environments. Victims may be told they’re too sensitive or that they need to “toughen up.”
But repeated sexual jokes, graphic comments, slurs, exposure to explicit content, or humiliating “pranks” can create a hostile environment. A workplace isn’t a social club. If the conduct is unwelcome and changes the conditions of your employment, ignoring it doesn’t make it acceptable.
Misconception 5: “If Everyone Jokes Like That, I Don’t Have a Case”
Group participation doesn’t make harassment legal. Some workplaces normalize crude talk until someone finally sets a boundary. Victims often stay quiet because they feel outnumbered or fear retaliation for being the person who “ruins the vibe.”
Even when multiple employees participate, the conduct can still be harassment if it targets someone, escalates after objections, or creates an intimidating or humiliating environment. “Everyone does it” is not a defense that protects an employer from responsibility.
Misconception 6: “If I Laugh, I Can’t Report It Later”
Many people laugh or go along in the moment because they feel trapped. They may fear being labeled weak, worry about conflict, or try to defuse tension. Later, they blame themselves: “I laughed, so I guess it wasn’t harassment.”
But survival responses are common. Polite laughter doesn’t automatically mean the behavior was welcome. What matters is the overall pattern and whether you later made it clear you wanted it to stop—or whether a reasonable person would find the behavior hostile or abusive in context.
Misconception 7: “Reporting Will Force Me to ‘Out’ Myself”
This fear is one of the biggest reporting barriers. Employees may worry that reporting will lead to invasive questions about their sexuality, dating life, or private identity. Some fear coworkers will assume they’re gay, or that the employer will treat the complaint like a personal issue rather than a workplace one.
In reality, reporting harassment should focus on workplace conduct, not the victim’s identity. You can report unwanted behavior without sharing personal information you’re not comfortable disclosing. The issue is what happened at work, not your private life.
Misconception 8: “HR Won’t Take It Seriously”
Some employees believe HR will dismiss same-sex harassment as “drama” or a misunderstanding. Others fear HR will prioritize avoiding liability over protecting employees. That skepticism often keeps people silent.
While outcomes vary, documentation and clear reporting can change how seriously a complaint is handled. A report that includes specific incidents, dates, witnesses, and examples of impact on work is harder to ignore than a vague complaint. Written follow-ups can also create a record that the employer can’t easily deny later.
Misconception 9: “If It’s Not Physical, It’s Not Harassment”
Harassment can be verbal, visual, or behavioral. It can include repeated sexual comments, intrusive questions, explicit jokes, unwanted nicknames, sexual gestures, and pressure to participate in inappropriate conversations. It can also involve sharing pornographic content, sending messages, or creating humiliating group dynamics.
Physical contact often makes the problem feel more “serious,” but it isn’t required. Patterns of verbal harassment can be just as damaging, especially when they happen repeatedly and interfere with your ability to work comfortably and safely.
What to Do If You’re Experiencing Same-Sex Harassment
If you’re dealing with same-sex harassment at work, taking early, organized steps can help protect your rights and strengthen any future claim:
- Document everything: Write down dates, times, locations, exact comments or actions, who was involved, any witnesses, and how you responded.
- Save all evidence: Keep copies of texts, emails, DMs, voicemails, screenshots, or any other communications related to the harassment.
- Report carefully and factually: If you report the behavior internally, stick to clear, specific facts rather than opinions or assumptions. Written reports help create an official record.
- Watch for retaliation: Be alert to sudden schedule changes, negative performance reviews, exclusion from meetings, or disciplinary actions after you speak up.
- Document retaliation immediately: Retaliation can be a separate legal violation, so record these actions as soon as they occur to help protect your position.
Same-Sex Harassment Is Real—and the Myths Keep People Silent
Same-sex harassment often goes unreported because people fear they won’t be believed or taken seriously. Harassment is defined by behavior and its impact at work, not by the genders of those involved.
If you’re facing inappropriate behavior at work, you don’t have to handle it alone. Understanding what counts as harassment and documenting the incidents can help protect your job and rights. Don’t let misconceptions dictate the outcome.